I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
