I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
