apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
