I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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