I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
