I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize