Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
