id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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