I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize