i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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