Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
