saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
