Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
