She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he shaved USA in his pubs
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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