if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
