Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
