8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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