Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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