Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
