Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
