some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
