She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
