I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
