The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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