i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
