It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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