I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
