i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We're too hungover to prance.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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