He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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