Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize