i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
