Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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