then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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