god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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