I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize