At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am one with the molecules
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
