just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
