Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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