Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
