Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
