It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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