The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
