Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
