I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
