Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
