i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
