a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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