she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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