a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
