dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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