Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wear drunk well.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
