You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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