I didn't shave. On purpose
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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