You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
