Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
