We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The air taste purple.
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