he thought i was a dude.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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