I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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