You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
