My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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