Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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