guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
