I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
