Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize