this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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