I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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