there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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