i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
